Truth is. . .I don't feel well today.  Even a nap didn't help and I'm still tired besides.

Truth is. . .I'm quite proud of myself for how I'm dealing with my depression, though I have been letting myself sleep more, I'm choosing to call that a pregnancy symptom not a depression one.  See we haven't had health insurance for two months now, still waiting on California to process my application for our birth certificates which are needed to get on medicaid, so I ran out of zoloft a month ago.  It hasn't been easy.  Mainly how I've chosen to deal with it is by taking a step back from life.  I make sure the kids are fed and clothed (albiet they do stay in pajamas all day some days) and safe, and a moderate major fights, but I've gotten lax in other areas.  Like bedtime.  I don't really fight them on going to sleep because it's one of the things I know I can get irrationally angry about. I let Drama Queen play computer games after dinner until 8 or 9pm and then she's allowed to take some books to bed with her.  at 9:30 or dark whichever comes first I'll go in and take the books so she knows it's definately time to go to sleep.  She's usually out by 10pm them.  Sometimes she gets enough sleep, sometimes she doesn't, but all that matters is I avoid feeling like I'm a borderline child abuser.  I've also relaxed on what they're allowed to play with.  A decorative birdhouse I got over a year ago, is now their favorite dollhouse, along with a hanging iron candleholder/lantern (minus the candle).  Yes, they watch too much tv.  Mischief watched the same two episodes of Blue's Clues 5 times today and is now watching Toy Story.  I don't fight them on eating.  I just don't keep "yummy" things around.  We did get a big box of fruit snacks (cause WinCo had Motts fruit snacks which have no artificial flavors or colors) but those are special treats.  If they want to eat bananas and cucumber slices all day, sure why not.  A bag of saltine crackers for breakfast?  Go for it.
I added to my baby step of making sure the dishes are done by also adding not working outside or going out anywhere in pajama pants or sweats.  Though I broke that when I was sick.  It's really not that hard to switch from a pair of pj bottoms to a pair of maternity jeans.  Ya, the kids may get baths once a week for church.  There is dirty clothes on their bedroom floor, Mischief's bed still needs to be made (been sleeping on a blanket covering the mattress) Drama Queen's sheets need to be changed (went a week without pull-ups) and the kitchen floor is sticky, but DQ has only been spanked about 3 times in the last month, which is a fabulous improvement.  I'm trying to phase it out all together as it's more productive to releasing the parent's anger than it is to modifying the child's behavior.

Truth is. . .I just dumped a box of fabric scraps into a garbage bag and listed it on freecycle.  I've got enough responsibility without them reminding me of the quilt that may never get made.

Truth is. . .I can't pick up Mischief anymore.  I've been very aware this week of the strain it puts on me to do so.  I'm physically worn out enough as it is without creating new problems by picking her up.  She is not a fan of this change.

Truth is. . .I have lots of things I said I'd make for all the tons of gals I know who had baby's in May.  I have the fabric stacked on the floor next to me and the patterns as well.  That's as far as I've gotten.  They've been sitting there over a week.

Truth is. . .the boxes still haven't gotten put away in the shed.  I'm trying not to grumble and gripe to Mr. Man about it, as he did paint the trailer last week, but it's seriously starting to tick me off.  He expects me to get on th efloor and clean up all the toys and craft crap, but he can't even stack a few boxes in the shed?  I tried to get him moving by putting the smaller boxes out there infront of the shed, but it didn't work.  All it did was give me a pain in my right hip joint.

Truth is. . .I put Mischief to bed, delighted that Drama Queen was asleep before 9pm. . .only to have Mischief wake her up 20 minutes later.  Not cool.

Truth is. . .I am sorting fabric.  Getting rid of the scraps that are staring me down to be turned into a quilt which will not happen in a timely manner as they've been sitting here for a year and I know it's not going to happen within the next 6 months.

Truth is. . .I want watermelon.  I want a big seedless watermelon to cut in half and want to sit here with half of it and a spoon.  Watermelon is the best thing about summer.


Laurel said…
I have to let things go like that when I am pregnant and I don't battle with depression! So, I think you are doing an awesome job!
Emily Robertson said…
I think you are doing amazing! I'm impressed with your just letting go, definitely something we all need to learn. And I agree about the watermelon. I will literally make myself sick from eating too much & yet I will always eat more =)

Popular Posts