Step 1: Get grossed out by how smelly you are and how matted your hair feels.
Step 2: Make sure at least one child is sleeping. Preferably the one who is extremely disagreeable due to not having had a nap in 2 weeks. Sure she'll be awake when you're ready to go to bed, but at least you'll both still be alive.
Step 3: Check on the baby to be certain she is at least still asleep even though it's been an hour since you nursed her and laid her down so she may wake up any moment.
Step 4: Peek in on oldest child who's in the playroom. Do not inform her you're going to take a shower or she'll want to come too or she'll immediately ask to watch TV or play on the computer.
Step 5: Turn on the TV to kid shows as you go by. Make sure the volume is low so the oldest doesn't automatically hear it. This is to distract her if and when she heads to find you.
Step 6: Spend the first 15 minutes combing out tangles and the post partum hormone related hair loss. Leave this in the shower to give you something to talk about with your husband as he's so chatting since he only has 2 days with you a week.
Step 7: do a quick shave since tomorrow is Sunday and your legs are hairier than the man's.
Step 8: wash all exposed skin.
Step 9: if you think you have enough time relax and enjoy the warm shower, but chances are the baby is crying loud enough for the whole complex to hear.
Step 10: get out of the shower and realize that September is a good month to put up the bathroom storm window.