We have grand intentions of being useful and productive members of society.  Some days.  
Monday was not one of those days.  Neither was Sunday.
I am having a hard time leaving the house.  Like verge of panic attack, hard time.  So I don't leave the house and all is well.  We didn't go to church on Sunday.  I almost didn't take Drama Queen to school on Monday.  It was a minimal day which means she had school from 9:15am to 11:15am.  I had to debate with myself if the threat of being outside was worth an hour and a half of peace at home. In the end I took her and so Mischief got to be at home without fighting over something from 9:20 to 10:50 when we went to pick DQ up.  I never understand why I get this way.  It's one of the reasons I didn't really do anything in high school.  I did try swim team, but I couldn't stand being away from home.  I think it's along the lines when I was a child, if I was playing outside I was always alert for the sound of a car coming and I'd run and hide until the car passed.  I'm a weirdo.  I think it must be some degree of my depression, I don't want to consider that I have something else going on.
My depression hasn't been to bad lately, in my opinion.  Mr. Man thinks I've been more vacant than usual.  I think that's due to the negativity that my mind is trying to feed me lately, I go with what Thumper's dad said, "If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."  Just because I think everyone hates me and wishes I weren't around doesn't mean it's true.  I know that Hazel's crying and the girls constant fighting isn't just happening with the intent to torture me.
If this all sounds horrible, I'm sorry.  I'm just to process everything further and see if anyone else has some insight.

Tuesday is grocery day!  I want to be very careful with it this month.  No "Do you have the munchies? I have the munchies" runs.  I wish the Cannery took EBT, haha.  Local grocers will have to do.  I'm going to hit the sales Smith has right now on green beans, corn, Annie's Mac & Cheese, and........I know there was something else.  Peanut butter is on sale at Macey's.  Wheat, salt, sugar, yeast, oats.  Need those added.  Where, other than the cannery, can you buy oats in bulk?  Oil too.  How long does oil store before it goes rancid?

I got Mr. Man's main present finished today!  It got up to 50* so I grabbed all the stuff and ran outside to finish.  Two of the pieces didn't quite turn out how I wanted, but oh well.  Got another gift idea for him from pinterest.  I should be working on gifts or outfits for a friend's 1 yr old right now.  Instead I'm bouncing Hazel in her bouncy chair and freezing on the couch while watching old episodes of Criminal minds.

Mischief spent most of Monday screaming for one reason or another.  I don't know what to do about it anymore.  Putting her in time out when she screams hasn't helped.  Reminding her we don't scream inside doesn't work.  Telling her she has to go to her room until she can stop screaming is a temporary solution.  She spends quite a bit of time in there due to her screaming.  I did smack her mouth once today because I could hear her screaming while I was outside spray painting, and she was already in her room, but instead of calming down, she got louder and louder, and there was no reason for it.  She just screams and screams.  If she doesn't get her way is the usual trigger.  She decides she wants something Maddie has, she wants to do something she's not supposed to, like put stickers on furniture (cause sometimes she thinks paper is not good enough).

That's enough for now.

Comments

Myhouse4nine said…
Hey the anxiety about going out and the neg thoughts going through the brain go together for me. The anxiety can be crippling at times. So can the neg thoughts, but I just fight the thoughts cause I know they aren't true. You know it too! My 2nd girl used to go to her bed and scream and cry until she was done or til I brought her a tissue. Some times it was up to 2 hours long.... so sorry! Hey on the positive side, she is now very patient and kind when her little sister throws major fits:)
Laurel said…
I need to go to the post office today and I don't want to leave the house either. There is a package there waiting for us though, and I think it is our family picture collage and Dave won't be home in time to get it before the Post Office closes, so I will have to muster up some courage.

I think, you celebrate the victory of taking Maddie to school! You didn't want to, but you did it anyway and that is a victory.

When I am facing a behavior that I want to correct in one of my children, what I do is take a day or two and really focus on that behavior. I tell the child what behavior is not allowed and what the consequences for offenses will be (usually time out or loss of house points) and then the very second the child misbehaves I initiate the consequence. I make that the top priority over everything else. I drop everything to discipline that child and that usually helps.

The problem that I struggle most with Matthew right now is whining/crying. We've set a rule in our house that crying is OK if you are hurt or if something sad/bad happens, but not for any other reason and whining is never allowed. If he makes it a whole day w/o whining or crying then he gets extra house points. That helps b/c when he starts to whine I can say, "Oh, Matthew! I think you forgot not to whine, you want to get extra house points don't you?" And he usually stops mid whine b/c he wants extra house points. I like doing that b/c its positive and I can be like a cheerleader for him encouraging good behavior, rather than always punishing him. Anyway, its still an ongoing struggle, but I do think those things help.

I keep having to remind myself to focus on "Be" rather than "Do" per Lynn G. Robbins April 2011 Conference talk.

I'm very curious to see what Christmas present you are making. Maybe you should email me about it, b/c I could use an idea for Dave!
Jennifer said…
It will get better Abby---just take things once day at a time. For Mischief have you thought about spraying her mouth with vinegar or something? When I used to bite my nails my mother would soak my hands in it to get me to stop. Perhaps in the same fashion you can place a foul tasting solution in her mouth and advise her this is the punishment for such behaviors...just a thought. I hope today is a better day for you! :)

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