The "fun" in functioning?
I know I'm missing lately. It's not just on the blog either. I may physically be present somewhere, but struggle to be entirely there. I'm catching up on blogs for the first time in a week (or longer, time gets away from me. What my head thinks has only been one week has really been three), and just read Judy's blog, Confessions of a Closet Hoarder, and once again feel as though I'm reading my own life. So here's a great explaination of how I'm doing, but in Judy's words. And Judy, I hope you (and I) find a way to escape the fog.
There are times I hate my brain and the way it seems to short circuit. I get tired of the fight, and I just want it to stop.
No. I'm not suicidal. I'm not homicidal, either, (although it's still probably not a good idea to poke the bear right now). I am just struggling. A lot. And it is at times like this that I can understand why some people turn to drugs, alcohol and food to drown out the unwanted thoughts.
I know that this is a temporary thing, but I am ready for it to ease up already. I'm tired and losing the will to fight. Losing all motivation. And that person is not who I consider myself to be, nor whom I want to be.