There comes a point in your life where the inside you stops aging along with your body. I know that sounds weird. Whether you call it a spirit or a soul or just you, I'm refering to the person you talk to in your head when you're alone, or while you're typing up a blog post, or when you're just trying to figure out where you stand on something or what to do with life. For me, the inside me is me, and this body is a temporary trial. hahaha.
Anyway, I realized finally last night why I have such a hard time figuring out what to call people. Last night I went to the salad and dessert Relief Society social. The Relief Society is the women's organization for our church, if you're an adult woman in The Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) the you're automatically part of the Relief Society. We have a gospel lesson on Sundays, we make sure to visit with each other at least once a month, we help provide compassionate service for those who need it. Another church thing is that we in The Church call each other Brother and Sister as a reflection on the fact that we ARE all brothers and sisters due to God being our Father. Anyway, this isn't a religious post. Just trying to give a preface.
So as a child, I grew up calling adult women Sister "insert-last-name-here" and the men were Brother "insert-last-name-here" unless I was really close to them and then I tended to use their first name instead of last name in that. Very few people in that case.
Then I grew up. Until we moved here, I had no problem continuing with that way of addressing people. We moved around so much that I was never really comfortable or at home in whatever ward we were in, except when we lived with my parents and that was the ward I grew up in so I called people as I called them when I was growing up.
Four years ago we moved here to use the charity of my brother and live in his trailer...a temporary thing you know, maybe five years tops....(I still say we'll be here for five years....but that's five years from now...)
I like our ward. It is indeed a ward family. I have come to realize that I am the only one who calls the other adults...brother or sister....they just use first names. Like friends. And I've been trying to figure out why I still do it, I can't hardly bring myself to call the Relief Society President "Chris" or my visiting teachers by their first names either. And last night at the Relief Society Social I realized, as I was learning the names of Rhoda and Francis who could be my grandmothers, that it is because my inside age is in my early to mid teens. I've been making strides to not be stuck there..., but it makes it hard to see it as respectful to call a woman older than me by her first name. While they see me as an adult and a wife and a mother and therefore an equal, I am stuck here....a place where in the last three years I finally got this erased as the way I see myself,
and the moments of "when are their parents going to come home/pick them up" have lessened (yes, regarding my own children, my head forgets sometimes). So there is another thing I have to age myself out of. I am an adult. Just like them. Just got to figure out how to not feel like I'm being disrespectful!
And yes I know this post is totally random.
What age do you think you are at?